“People think IT support is about fixing computers. Wrong. It’s 70% psychology, 20% pretending to understand what ‘the internet is slow’ even means, and 10% resisting the urge to scream into a pillow. Here are three times I saved the day while questioning my life choices.”
1. “The Printer Possessed by a Demon”
Request: “The printer is printing blank pages! It’s haunted!”
Reality: The intern loaded the paper upside-down.
What I Did:
- Nodded gravely: “This is a serious spiritual malfunction.”
- Did a 5-minute “exorcism” (unplugged it, blew on the cartridge, mumbled CMD commands under my breath).
- Loaded the paper correctly when they weren’t looking.
Outcome: Promoted to “Tech Shaman” in office lore.
2. “My Mouse is Toxic”
Request: “Your last update gave my mouse a virus. It’s moving by itself!”
Reality: Their fabric was sleeping on the wireless receiver.
What I Did:
- solemnly scanned the mouse with a USB spectrometer (a flashlight on my phone).
- Prescribed “quarantine”.
- Sent a follow-up email: “Fixed.”
3. “The Manager’s ‘Hacked’ Facebook”
Request: “Hackers posted a selfie on my profile! I NEVER UPLOADED THAT!”
Reality: His teenage daughter used his phone.
What I Did:
- Gasped: “This is an advanced spear-phishing attack.”
- “Traced the hacker’s IP” (glanced at the photo’s Package with his home address visible).
- Whispered: “Let’s keep this between us… and maybe change your password to something besides ‘password123’.”
Closing Punchline:
“Moral of the story? In IT support, the real fix isn’t in the code—it’s in knowing when to play along. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a ‘cursed keyboard’ to cleanse with holy water (aka isopropyl alcohol).”
Bonus:
“99% of IT ‘miracles’ are just watching people solve their own problems while you stand there looking mystical. The other 1%? Actual sorcery.”